Venue was quite packed because of St. Patrick’s day, but luckily no line. The packed venue made for very limited time between interactions. Side note: in such a scenario, it’s a lot easier to feel an abundance mentality.
First set is standing alone. I opened with the comment that she appeared to be “one of the more sober people here”. After the initial few sentences, she still wasn’t very receptive so I said something like “if you were me, would you still stand here and talk to you, or would you walk away?”, at which point she said “oh, I’m a really cool person” and we got a basic rapport convo going before her friends came back.
Next was a two set that walked into the area. We ended up talking drugs pretty quickly. I said I could guess the cute one did drugs, but not so much the other one. They tried to give me some shit for getting that wrong, saying I was bad at reading people, etc. I held my frame, which was that I am actually pretty good at reading people and that one wrong guess doesn’t change that. I like this incident because my frame was genuine, it wasn’t like “this is what the game guys say I am supposed to do”. I genuinely am, I would say, above average in skill at making cold reads, and I’ve gone out enough to be quite confident of this fact. The cute one was down to engage, but the unattractive one pulled her away. I think one mistake with my cold read was that you never want to ascribe the “good” quality, in this case being fun enough to do drugs, to the cute one and the “bad” quality, in this case being boring, to the unattractive one. Should be switched.
An unimportant, boring set. Then another set where I got an icy initial reception and managed to eek out a little bit of bland engagement before simply walking away.
I opened this two set with what I don’t know, and got resistance right off the bat. “Really, we just started talking and then you came up”–I said with neutral, matter-of-fact tonality “Sorry, but if I didn’t someone else was just going to come in and do the same thing anyways”. Wing started talking to that first girl who said that. The second girl was not as boisterous or interested in engaging, but I managed to crack her open at some point. Once she hooked, she talked a lot, mostly about the need to prove herself in law school as a Hispanic female. It got her talking, which was good, and I have been trying to become a better listener, so this was a good opportunity for that lol. I definitely felt that I was able to add better points to the conversation because I focused and listened, as opposed to saying random gamey shit back at her. HOWEVER, I let her talk too much. Part of my thought process here was that it’s good if the girl is doing most of the talking. But this reference experience teaches me that it matters what kind of talking it was. It was a kind of monologue from her; it wasn’t flirtatious, it wasn’t her qualifying herself, and it didn’t have anything to do with me or us. I did a little bit of kino and tried to bring the convo to more light-hearted territory a couple times, but somehow she always brought it back to her favorite, unfun subject. Her friend went to bathroom and left her there and my wing joined us for a second before bouncing from the set. When I had her isolated, I tried greater physical escalation (picking her arms up with the attention of draping them around my neck/shoulders). She let me pick them up for a second, but then took them back. Despite several times laughing at whatever jokes I could scrape together from the like bleak rubble of the conversation and hitting me on the arm, there apparently wasn’t that much attraction. When her friend came back, her friend tried to discretely signal from a distance whether she should be left alone with me and she opted to go with the friend.
Eye contact and proximity were well done by me, and I also managed to drop in a silly suggestive comment, but the overall vibe wasn’t flirtatious enough. My wing for that set noted that one should be physical within the first 5 minutes. I remember that I heard Julien say the same thing, I think in his Pimp program. He said to find some excuse to hi-5 or hug or something. I will have to remember that.
Definitely forward progress by me, since I’ve been having trouble escalating at all (so I am glad I tried). And also, all my approaches feel different now. I guess I have enough positive reference experiences to expect a good reaction, have patience to try and coax one out if the initial reaction isn’t positive, and enough confidence in myself and who I am/am becoming to not care if I never get a good reaction from a girl. In the early days of doing this, I also tended not to care about getting rejections–even harsh ones–but that was more of a “I have 0 women now, so it’s no change in my life if I continue to keep getting rejected” thing. Now it’s more like my self-image is primarily positive, and any mistakes I make are just kind of absorbed into it i.e. I am a high-value guy who made a simple mistake and will eventually learn how to do the thing properly, as opposed to my previous self-image which was mostly negative and which had me chasing and holding on to any good reaction I could get in order to feel like maybe I almost could be something good hopefully. This is a new feeling, and I’m grateful for it.