[FR] 3-May-2018

I have been trying to muster the motivation and energy to get back into game. I must generate “heat”, in the mytho-poetic sense.

I’ve been letting my wing lead the way with things. My goals with pickup are currently nebulous, and I am moving in 3 months so I am trying to balance phun and lolz with sharpening my social skills. I met him at our preferred venue, and we shot the shit for a bit. He wanted to try this thing where we stand in a high-traffic area and open whichever girls are near. After 10-15m of this, he decided that wasn’t the best strategy.

Not long thereafter, he opens some girls wandering by (ironically, I guess, given perceived failure of the strategy earlier). Chubby girls, one of whom is DEFINITELY NOT CUTE. Luckily, I speak with the cuteish one.

It’s a good interaction. Had her laughing and filling gaps in the convo. Qualifying a bit. Teased her. Long story short, move her and the friend to another part of the bar and somewhere along the way my boyz disappear (which I suspect was deliberate on their part to disengage from the girls). After the girls get drinks, we go start heading back to original spot to find those guys, but the girls and I separate along the way.

Next set is a 3 set. Cute, cuteish, and not-so-cute. The first two engage to varying degrees (most engagement from the cuteish one). Because the cute one is looking around a lot, I disengage before they do.

Last set was a two set. I go up and ask (with good tonality) if they are foreign. One of them is. I had a decent amount of unreacitivity here (as opposed to the previous set, which I found mildly intimidating). Made good conversation, led topics well. The foreign girl was so pretty, and she seemed fairly smart. As my wing can attest, I have been down on women lately. I have been in a caloric deficit, and lacking all sex drive (which I have to say has been very liberating and amazing and I wish I did it in college). I have had space to reevaluate what I think of women, and I have to say, with the desire for sex removed, I really don’t like them. A part of me wanted to like girls again so that I could like her.

I think I am going to stop writing these FRs when I get home. Instead, I’m just gonna jot down by hand notes on what I did well and what could be improved. If I want to, then the following day I can turn it into a full FR, but this shit takes too much time and I find being on the computer after 9pm to be a deeply unhealthy and time-wasting thing I need to eliminate.

 

First FR In A Month

Hadn’t gone out for about 2 weeks before tonight. Things went better than I thought.

Relied on my main man to lead the way at first. 2 set. I surprised myself a little with how quick I was able to get back to conversing after having not tried to flirt with girls for 2 weeks. My wing ejected us from the set early. Wouldn’t have been my preferred course of action, but went along with it.

Opened 2 chubs. I had some interest from the one I was talking to initially. We were to meet up with another Redditor tonight, and while talking to these chubs he came up and was like “hey is your name x–nice to meet you” and the chick was like “wait, what did he say”. I covered by saying the guy drank too much and that we called him “the drink”. Lol.

Opened a 2 set. One girl just wasn’t having it and went back to the larger group. The other girl tried to let me off easy with some perfunctory excuse, and I just kind of shrugged and started to walk away. As I was walking away she asked my name. I said I’d tell her mine if she told me hers. She did, and so we exchanged names, and I got some tidbits of info from her (she was visiting this group of friends). I wished her a good trip and bounced.

Opened a girl who was part of a mixed set of fairly intimidating dudes. I told her and this other girl they looked very punk by the standards of the venue. She asked what I meant, and I clarified that most people there looked “bougie”. She turned out to be nice. A couple instances in which I just had to hold frame a bit (e.g. she asked if that was a compliment, I said it was merely an observation). The other girl wasn’t interested in convo.

Joined a 3 set my guys were in afterwards wherein basically the girls were pretending to be Russian and when I called them out on that, they kind of tried to keep going with it and then just left. They were doing Russian accents that only would have worked if we were drunk and when I asked one of them how “Moscow” is properly said in Russian she was just like “what do you mean–Moscow”, that’s how I knew.

Misc bs for a bit…I got cock-blocked by a bouncer, basically, which was some bullshit.

Bantered in a set my guys opened.

Opened a girl watching her friend play ping-pong with a dude who apparently wasn’t their friend. Positive response, but I was admittedly boring. This one frustrates me a little bit.

3 set was standing near us and I had the real opportunity to open one of the girls semi-over-shoulder, which I did. Had a decent convo going. Friends sat down at table/sofa behind her, and she was like “wait a second I’ll be right back” and went to go confer with them on something. I did not stick around.

Overall, I was surprised I got back into the swing of approaching and whatnot so quickly. I believe I got more positive reactions than negative tonight. I’ll have to actually pay attention to what I am doing tomorrow.

 

FR 29 March 2018

Generally speaking: doing a better job nowadays of talking through the open and being positive in the face of negative reactions from girls.

Only set worth discussing specifically was the first one. Opened by Ken. It was a seated set. I came in and complimented one of the girls on her pants, and Ken engaged the one closest to him. I did a good job of maintaining a buyer frame both through a positive-dominant tonality, expressing a small amount of dismay/disapproval with one of her opinions or actions at some point, and straight up being like “I need you to exhibit more taste” about something we were talking about.

Also got compliance; asked her to stand up and she did. I said “I just wanted to see how tall you are”. She said “taller than you”, but then kind of “saved it” by saying “but only because of the heels”, as I think she realized she was disqualifying herself.

When their friends came back from the bathroom, I did a good job of engaging the group while still including the “target” (who I didn’t find particularly attractive, tbh, but I guess I would have done it lol). I mentioned the back patio and got a tentatively positive reaction to the general idea of it, but didn’t really try to pull them with. I believe I could have moved them if I was persistent about it.

First Number Close From Day Game

This happened while doing day game with Ken and this other guy I had met the previous night through a mutual friend (also community). Ken and I were near a light, and I saw her walk up and wait for it to change. She was on her phone.

I went up and said “hey excuse me” loudly to get her attention, and when I had it I said “you looked potentially interesting, so I thought I’d say hi”. Got a positive reaction. Focus, Relevance, Emotion.

Initial couple sentences were establishing where she was from, and when she said “New Zealand” I said “you don’t have to hide your accent”, a little tease.

Walked with her across the street. She asked me questions most of the time. When I said I was in tech she said “oh that’s a smart person industry”. Said something similar about the fact that I was going to go to grad school. Small getting to know you kind of stuff.

After a bit, she said “where are you going?” I planted and she also planted. She’s here for a few more weeks, I said we should grab a drink. Number closed. We texted a bit.

My goals for the day were just to do 2 solid approaches, and I did 4 and got a number quite smoothly. Definitely happy with today’s progress.

The Conveyor Belt + Musings On Rejection

Had a thought last night as I (high) recalled a couple of my interactions from earlier…I was out on the back patio of this particular venue, doing approaches, and it was just like a conveyor belt. I stayed out there. Girls came out to stand around and have males approach them. If the girls didn’t like it, they moved away and went to go repeat the process. The male was to do the same. Almost choreographed, and definitely silly. I laughed at The Game when I thought about it. That’s the first time that happened. I should really learn to take it less seriously.

What is a rejection? I think most rejections are noise, not signal, and are furthermore part of a larger dance. For beginners like me, inexperienced and diffident with women, it’s hard not to see a rejection as a kind of referendum on one’s value. In reality, they are many times a mere function of the whims of a girl who is not only fallible in the normal ways in which any human is, but who, depending on what type of girl in what type of venue, might be among the least qualified people in society to be conferring any sort of blessing or damnation.

Modern mating and dating in the West can be rather goofy. The only thing serious about it is that this system seems like it’s not particularly conducive to most of its participants’ happiness.

FR 17 March 2018

Venue was quite packed because of St. Patrick’s day, but luckily no line. The packed venue made for very limited time between interactions. Side note: in such a scenario, it’s a lot easier to feel an abundance mentality.

First set is standing alone. I opened with the comment that she appeared to be “one of the more sober people here”.  After the initial few sentences, she still wasn’t very receptive so I said something like “if you were me, would you still stand here and talk to you, or would you walk away?”, at which point she said “oh, I’m a really cool person” and we got a basic rapport convo going before her friends came back.

Next was a two set that walked into the area. We ended up talking drugs pretty quickly. I said I could guess the cute one did drugs, but not so much the other one. They tried to give me some shit for getting that wrong, saying I was bad at reading people, etc. I held my frame, which was that I am actually pretty good at reading people and that one wrong guess doesn’t change that. I like this incident because my frame was genuine, it wasn’t like “this is what the game guys say I am supposed to do”. I genuinely am, I would say, above average in skill at making cold reads, and I’ve gone out enough to be quite confident of this fact. The cute one was down to engage, but the unattractive one pulled her away. I think one mistake with my cold read was that you never want to ascribe the “good” quality, in this case being fun enough to do drugs, to the cute one and the “bad” quality, in this case being boring, to the unattractive one. Should be switched.

An unimportant, boring set. Then another set where I got an icy initial reception and managed to eek out a little bit of bland engagement before simply walking away.

I opened this two set with what I don’t know, and got resistance right off the bat. “Really, we just started talking and then you came up”–I said with neutral, matter-of-fact tonality “Sorry, but if I didn’t someone else was just going to come in and do the same thing anyways”. Wing started talking to that first girl who said that. The second girl was not as boisterous or interested in engaging, but I managed to crack her open at some point. Once she hooked, she talked a lot, mostly about the need to prove herself in law school as a Hispanic female. It got her talking, which was good, and I have been trying to become a better listener, so this was a good opportunity for that lol. I definitely felt that I was able to add better points to the conversation because I focused and listened, as opposed to saying random gamey shit back at her. HOWEVER, I let her talk too much. Part of my thought process here was that it’s good if the girl is doing most of the talking. But this reference experience teaches me that it matters what kind of talking it was. It was a kind of monologue from her; it wasn’t flirtatious, it wasn’t her qualifying herself, and it didn’t have anything to do with me or us. I did a little bit of kino and tried to bring the convo to more light-hearted territory a couple times, but somehow she always brought it back to her favorite, unfun subject. Her friend went to bathroom and left her there and my wing joined us for a second before bouncing from the set. When I had her isolated, I tried greater physical escalation (picking her arms up with the attention of draping them around my neck/shoulders). She let me pick them up for a second, but then took them back. Despite several times laughing at whatever jokes I could scrape together from the like bleak rubble of the conversation and hitting me on the arm, there apparently wasn’t that much attraction. When her friend came back, her friend tried to discretely signal from a distance whether she should be left alone with me and she opted to go with the friend.

Eye contact and proximity were well done by me, and I also managed to drop in a silly suggestive comment, but the overall vibe wasn’t flirtatious enough. My wing for that set noted that one should be physical within the first 5 minutes. I remember that I heard Julien say the same thing, I think in his Pimp program. He said to find some excuse to hi-5 or hug or something. I will have to remember that.

Definitely forward progress by me, since I’ve been having trouble escalating at all (so I am glad I tried). And also, all my approaches feel different now. I guess I have enough positive reference experiences to expect a good reaction, have patience to try and coax one out if the initial reaction isn’t positive, and enough confidence in myself and who I am/am becoming to not care if I never get a good reaction from a girl. In the early days of doing this, I also tended not to care about getting rejections–even harsh ones–but that was more of a “I have 0 women now, so it’s no change in my life if I continue to keep getting rejected” thing. Now it’s more like my self-image is primarily positive, and any mistakes I make are just kind of absorbed into it i.e. I am a high-value guy who made a simple mistake and will eventually learn how to do the thing properly, as opposed to my previous self-image which was mostly negative and which had me chasing and holding on to any good reaction I could get in order to feel like maybe I almost could be something good hopefully. This is a new feeling, and I’m grateful for it.

 

 

FR 16 March 2018

I made some macro-level progress tonight. Some would call it inner game progress, perhaps. I have been working on some specific characteristics, and have had in mind a somewhat specific idea of a stronger version of myself. And tonight, thanks to work I have been putting in mostly outside the arena of actual game, I embodied that next version quite fully. With every set, I was unreactive and quite present, and I also came from a buyer frame and embodied that. Various personality traits I have been deliberately working on for the past month or so are starting to stick and become natural to me. I recognize this progress and am grateful for it.

Some specific good things I did with the first set of the night: eye contact, unreactiveness to shit tests, patience, talked slowly and left pauses, and dropped at least one sexualizing comment (though they helped me get there since their topic of conversation when I rolled up was about dating apps). I got some attraction here from one of the girls, but she was with her mom and I wasn’t sure how to proceed (yes she was out drinking with her mom and friends). I probably could have hung out with them longer if I really wanted to persist.

The only set from tonight worth transcribing was this two set. They were at a couch set back from the dance floor. You had to walk down a kind of “hallway” to get to them. So it was a very telegraphed approach. I said “you guys are kind of hard to get to” and I perceived some…reluctance or resistance on their part. Of course, this kind of thing matters less and less to me as time goes on and I kept talking, blabbing about how the pressure is on walking up to them. Then I did a move I like to do, where I say “I’m so nervous, look” and I stick my hand out and it’s steady as a surgeon’s. I get a good response from this about 8/10 times. I think it communicates both an awareness of the social situation and the fact that I am not in fact nervous and not super invested in their reaction or perceptions.

Anyways, I get into conversation with the cuter one. I qualified her as we discussed yoga, which is something I practice as well. She was a hot 22 year old yoga instructor and I made it my intention to number close her. I felt I could do it. I was on the “social offensive”, if you will, the whole time.

Their friends joined at some point. She said also “oh this is like an interview” and I was like “yeah, it is” and she said “if you were the CEO, would you hire me” and I said I wasn’t sure yet. In retrospect, this could have been a signal I needed to maybe make the conversation more free-flowing. Can’t be sure–my general mode tonight was to be quite challenging and, as I said, to come from a buyer’s frame.

So I kind of cut the conversational thread and said “Look, this is what’s going to happen now: we’re going to be talking, and your friends are going to drag you away to go to the bathroom or something. You should give me your number before that.”

And lo as I spake thus it occurred before she could even answer. She was going to go and I took out my phone and said here let me get your number, and she said “why don’t I take your number and text you”. I felt that was a soft no, but went through the motions anyways. I should have called myself from her phone so I could get her number and at least try to turn it around via text. However, in my head I was like “you know what, if she wants to, it’ll happen”. There may be some wisdom to that generally, but in order for me to develop I need to keep pressing and persisting. Though I regret not calling myself from her phone, it was still an improvement, and hence a win, since I have dropped the ball on asking for numbers so often recently. More importantly though, who I fundamentally was during the set was a much more attractive and superior version of myself, and I hope to double down on this personal development and make it even more permanent.