Was with Ken, a new guy, and this other guy we sometimes wing with. The other guy mentions his friend his coming. We’re chatting, and there is this seated two-set nearby at the bar. One is taking a picture of the other, and I do bunny ears, and the camera moves onto me (turns out it’s a Snap). Ken engages the set, I chat with the dudes, then hop in set.
I’m talking to one girl, Ken is talking to the other. Good rapport, maybe a little attraction. Anyways, out of the corner of my eye, I see the friend has arrived. A little while later, he’s in our set. This is not a big deal in and of itself. There was maybe one other set in the venue at that moment, and I don’t blame a guy for trying to warm up. Not concerned with those girls too much. However, he entered the set by quite deliberately pushing Ken out. The girl Ken was talking to was the hotter one, and this newcomer guy, one of our own buddy’s guys, came in the way you would on a stranger’s set.
Ken was pushed out, and was unsure what to do. I tried to include him from across the set in the convo with my girl, and it did start a group convo for 2-3 sentences, but the other guy, who was clearly quite confident and used to getting his way, brought the attention back on himself. After a bit more chatter with the girl I was talking to, I decided to be more proactive about the situation.
I basically moved towards him and started to ask him questions in a not-so-friendly tone. He tried to ignore me initially, but I persisted, and it would have been odd for him to not respond. He gave me a couple flippant answers. I gave him strong stern eye contact and made sure I was relatively close to him, to physically box him off from the set. At some point he said “you’re giving me the thousand yard stare here…” and jokingly said it was making him uncomfortable. I kept looking at him. This allowed enough time for Ken to close the space and get the attention of both girls.
He dropped off shortly thereafter, and the 3 of them went to another venue while Ken and I were in set (with whom nothing happened worth transcribing).
Sucked that had to happen with an apparent friend of a friend and fellow game guy. The guy was a stereotypical douchebag though. Clearly viewed himself as an alpha, seemed like he was like that his whole life, was used to getting his way, and expected us to follow along with that. The anger that I projected towards him, which I believe he perceived, was not merely anger that he had nearly blown my friend out of set, or anger at the fact that he did that while being from among our own number. It was righteous anger. I have disgust and contempt for a guy like this; if this is how he acts even with those who are supposedly his comrades, then what kind of person is he? He embodied a sort of “dog eat dog” mentality, a lack of moral and civic consciousness, that is just a damn menace to society. I know he probably won’t even remember the incident, but I am glad I was able to combat a fucker like that. I’ll be sending guys like that to federal prison one day, so might as well start now.
It was a breakthrough for me personally, since a) I don’t normally encounter AMOGs and never know how to handle them when I do and b) a big part of my problems with women, I had to admit to myself several years ago, have stemmed from my feeling inferior to other men, especially square jawed confident fratty guys like that. I have been coming into my own as a person in ways I haven’t yet found a place to discuss in this blog, however, and that definitely played a role in enabling me to stand up to him and get him out of our set.
Other things I did well here: stole the hotter girl’s seat when she went to the bathroom and gave here a friendly pinch on the cheek later in the interaction.
Next set was at another venue. It was a standing two set I saw as Ken and I walked in. I went up to them and said something along the lines of “you guys are the first people I saw here, so hi”. I like an opener like that, that puts them on the defensive. I don’t like direct. I withhold my interest and approval. It also hits the R and the E of Todd’s FRED hooking model (Relevance and Emotion).
I did however, after the initial couple sentences, say “not that I necessarily wouldn’t have said hi otherwise, but you know” or something like that. Not in a supplicating or apologetic way. In a neutral way. But still I shouldn’t have taken the opener back, so to speak.
I felt that the set started off interested–not attracted per se, but willing to be at hook point 2, let’s say. I remember talking to the girl I was talking to and distinctly thinking “I know I’m attractive and above your league, and you should be attracted to me–I just need a way to make you see that”. Didn’t know what to do, it fizzled out.
One thing we did poorly here was that Ken came in with me. It is better for one guy to go in and hook the set and for the wing to come in after. This is probably the one thing I’ve learned like almost totally on my own in game. I believe it’s because women respect a lone guy going up to them more than two dudes rolling around. That is how the first set, which hooked more deeply, panned out. I did my goof bunny ears thing, Ken opened, and I hung back talking to our guys for a while before going in. I believe this communicates a certain degree of non-neediness off the bat.